I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
