we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
third nipple confirmed
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
