You can't special order awesome
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
