Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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