she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
