ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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