I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
