Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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