Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize