wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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