You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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