if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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