I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
