you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
