I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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