Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
