She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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