I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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