Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
