I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
and she was petting her beer can
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
