got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
