Don't you send me to vm
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
