so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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