He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When did we convert life to cartoon?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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