whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
