The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
His hands were made for my vagina.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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