My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
