In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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