I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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