I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
