The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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