i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
