No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
