Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We have so much sex to catch up on
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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