you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't deserve a penis
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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