why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize