my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize