Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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