Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
