I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
