life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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