Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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