OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
