so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
