My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
