True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
