She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
