Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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