Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
