My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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