I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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