you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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