Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
