1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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