Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
