You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
