We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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