worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
