Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we made out on top of his cat.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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