i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize