I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
